It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i love accidental penises.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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