I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
