at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
