he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
