Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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