Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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