sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
