what day is it and did you see me today?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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