He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm at about main and main street
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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