you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
