yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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