I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
