Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
