Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
