Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
