Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
