"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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