Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
