I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
