you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
