so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
