my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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