i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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