I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
