using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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