his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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