Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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