Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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