he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
