Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
