Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
