Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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