wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
