I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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