I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
