It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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