Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
