My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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