The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
