obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
