haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
