As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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