I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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