...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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