how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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