I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
