Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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