fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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