Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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