dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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