i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
