hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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